Now is the day

O Wonder of our Days,

Is it now?

Is it ready?

Might I continue to keep preparing?

O Fear of Real Motion,

You block my path with the sweetest flowers

hues tender and bold

beckoning me to set aside the life I am creating.

O Person that I Am!

Here I am!

It is today!

It is now!

I am ready.

Collective

Lao Tze is held as the founder of Taoism, the author of the Tao Te Ching. He is read widely for his philosophy and poetry.

This morning, it was postulated

over coffee, tea, and pumpkin muffins

that there are those who believe Lao Tze was not a singular man

but a collective of philosophers and poets

who over time created the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching.

And

that they were women.

mind blown.

I often turn to the wisdom of the tao, to find my place in the universe and in my own life. It is a wisdom that takes me seriously but lets me know that there are more wondrous things happening connecting synchronizing out there…..out there.

I love love love

LOVE

the idea of collective wisdom, collecting from many voices and places

coming together into a place a writing a being.

In this case, if this theory is correct, it is likely that the women were not allowed to write or be known or take credit. Yes, it is a patriarchal crime….and we’ll put that aside for now for another blog….

because I want to focus on the collective in your own life.

Yesterday afternoon

I heard a report that started out with a reading from the New Testament epistle to Timothy…the reader gave it a tone like we had just gathered around the dining room table to hear from a beloved uncle. And we heard this “….I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, lives in you.” (II Timothy 1:5)

The collective

generational wisdom that lives in our mothers and grandmothers passed down to daughters and sons

gathering deepening empowering the wisdom as it grows and expands in each new person.

Who is part of your collective? Whose collective are you a part of? Who quotes you? Who do you quote? If you kept a journal of wise things that were spoken by wise people, what would be in that notebook

 

What book of knowing are you authoring?

We are each others holy texts. Each others Lao Tze.

The Sacred was/is before any language or writing. We tend to prize the written word as though it has been the only way to know God. But we are wrong.

We each bear the imprint of the Sacred upon us and within us. It is known by others by our body language, our sighs, our innards, our intuition, interactions, tears, aches, laughs, laments, screams, wide eyed wonder.

It is all there within us. Hmmm, in some ways, we are our own collective. The whole universe in our own beings, like galaxies and star systems of cosmic grandeur.

I know this to be true. For we see God in you when we listen, when we wait with you, when we look upon you with eyes seeking to see the potential that hovers just underneath your skin with leviathan waves bringing the deep to the surface.

The collective in me honors the collective in you, as the Creator of All Things lives and moves and gives our beings a saving grace.

 

 

Together,

Amy

chaos swirls

Black Swirls

Listening to different people these past couple of weeks

and something is up

in the air

in our spirits

minds

living.

 

What is up for you? What cray cray thoughts have moved in and won’t leave? What memories have popped back up like the jack-in-the-box on perpetual pop up?

Our inner most beings are always on the move, and we can’t always sort out the swirling chaos alone. Sometimes, we just need a space to speak with someone listening so that we can get the swirl outside of us, in front of us where we can manipulate it into knowing on the screen of our lives.

Dreams.Thoughts.Responses.Near misses.Misplaced history. Paperwork.Hopes.

What is in you, wanting to be known by you?

 

~Amy

the Inner Growl

Whew! Where’d that come from???

instinct

that tears and quashes the best of us

anger that rages like a summer storm blotting out the sun at midday

self defense that finds the enemy, even if there isn’t an enemy

Our archetypal selves live in our deepest reaches, and in an instant can leap forth through open mouth, raised middle finger, the cowering shrink, the stoic shutdown. In a flash, we are who we were (maybe) or who we think we need to be (maybe) or who we are not now.

Where’d that come from?

Well, the hard news is, its us. It is inside of us no matter how hard we work to repress it, ignore it, deny it.

What to do?

Beat our selves up when the inner growl takes over?

As people on the move, in the groove, waking to purposeful ways of being…we can use these for our revealing. Ok, so first of all, we need to learn the art of the apology. I’m sorry. Say it with me “I’m Sorry” “I’m so sorry” ‘I don’t know where that came from but that isn’t how I wanted to respond.” “Forgive me.”

Power, friends. So much power in the apology. It diffuses, it slowss,  it dissipates the confusion and clears the fog and fume that hovers like a lingering terror.

Next: deep breath and start again.

Later: ask yourself “Where’d that come from?”

And now the work begins. Because it came from within you. If it felt like a foreign invasion don’t believe it. Even if energetically it was an assault on you from an outside source (hey, we all shoot energy into human interaction) YOU chose to take it in, take it on, roll about it in like a dog in stink. No scapegoating. You made a choice to take it in. That intake shows us our places of vulnerability.

This is what you want to investigate, your own detective service with your name X.XXX on the frosted window. For you have created the noir and you can uncreate it.

But, lets get back to that inner growl. It came from within you. So, what is it revealing to you?

Fear?

Insecurity?

Protectiveness?

Were you responding to a

perceived threat?

perceived slight?

perceived insult?

Can you follow the trail to the source narrative that resides with you for all time until it is revealed as false or done?

Here’s the Amybreakdown: we are all these things. We desire to be on a movement forward of healing, and to heal we must see the wound in its depths. These outbursts of an inner growl gives us that opportunity to see that the wound is still festering someplace. Where? We want to go deep into that wound to see it, to seize it, to cleanse it, to  heal it. No judgements here….judgements are just another layer of narrative that came from somewhere (self, church, parents, culture) and judgement impedes self growth every time. Awareness and awakening are the soil for change.

(Eugenico Cuttica – Young Woman with Inner Sight VII / Mixed Media on Archival Paper)

 

If we don’t see /feel/know it, we can’t heal it.

The layers of human complexity are myriad. Myriad and beautiful just like rings of a tree that show not just the years of existence but when was there blight? When was there a drought? When was the summer perfect? When was the winter so killing it nearly did the tree in?

We cannot cut ourselves open to see these rings to tell the story, so we have to rely on things like response, internal discord, sweeping fears, unanchored anxiety to show us the way into our rings, our story. To set us free.

So worth it.

And here comes my old saw, that belief I have that I can’t quite let go of because I see it work…..

We do our best interior healing in community. With trusted friends. With a book club, a congregation, a 12 step group, lunch crowd……what is your place? Where do you say “Hey, you won’t believe what I got myself into today?” Surround yourself with brave souls who will listen to you well before jumping to their own story. Embrace yourself into tiny or fuller gatherings where you can work out your own revealings in your own mind but with the energy of goodness upholding you (even if they never know what is going on inside of you). But do, please, work it out. And then be that for someone else.

You deserve it. The world deserves it. You are a unique piece to this whole puzzle of existence. Your well being is my well being and my well being is your well being.

That is how it works.

As always, I am available to be an itty bitty community to get you started if it feels too vulnerable to enter a larger fray. I will listen to you as though you are the only one who matters, because for that hour, you are. We can work together on things of this lifetime, or your cosmic journey. You are not alone. Let’s get started.

To you,

Amy

 

Images from google images, with a particular shout out to Eugenico Cuttica for the fabulous painting.

 

Full disclosure: our own lives make the best blog posts. #writingfromexperience