Ask a friend


Have you been doing your work? The whole of the cosmos has been like a scullery maid in your dingiest closets, asking you what to do with this..and this….and this. “This” is the little ball of molded wounds and rotting past talk. “This” is the bits of YOU that were bitten off by life as it rummaged through your being, leaving gaping gaps in your side and psyche and soul.

Have you been doing your work? Your work was not to wrinkle your nose and push your hands in front of you, push truth away, afraid to look at what the cosmic maid is showing you. It is to take it from her hands and look at it closely. Look at is so closely until you give a gasp of recognition, or utter “I wondered where that went”. Well, now it has been found, seen, heard, smelled….known with a knowing that can no longer be denied.

Have you been doing your work?

I believe you have. I believe many have taken the past several years to heart and have been opening themselves up to seeing themselves, healing themselves, understanding themselves, loving themselves. Is this you? Good.

But there are those who have walked away from the open closet door, from the piling up of neglected and abandoned learnings, hoping life will just sort of, take care of things.

I’ve been doing my work. In fact I think I’ve done as much as I possibly can on my own. Well, not on my own. I’ve been working steadily with a spiritual director, with my dreams, with my  own awakenings, with looking at the worst in me that I am able to see. I think that I’ve done all I can do to this point. To this point. I now feel like I am rewashing ideas and symbols and knowings….wash, rinse, dry…..find them in the soapy water again………

And now, I need other insights in order to go on to the next closet. Or maybe the trap door in the first closet that I didn’t know was there but leads to a secret hidey-hole of the unspeakable aspects of me. Unspeakably painful, unspeakably vulnerable, unspeakably broken.

So, this is what I am proposing to myself. And as I do so, I propose it to you, no matter where you are with your progress.

Ask a friend.

Think of a friend who you trust. You trust them with your whole being. You trust their truth. You trust that they will not seek to hurt you. Because you are handing them your soul on a platter.

Invite them to dinner. To their favorite place. Invite them on a walk, to the ocean, into a glade. And ask them “What is it that I am not seeing about myself? What can I still not see?”

This will be hard for your friend. That is why we choose well.

A spiritual director and a counselor, pastor, priestess, emapth, healer, can only move us on our journey insofar as we are willing to be honest with them. They see us for an hour a week or once a month or something…..and they can take us places most other people cannot because they are paying utter attention. They have insights that are often right in front of our own faces. Trust me, as a spiritual director I know that I am only told a small portion of any person’s full truth. So I must be paying holy attention with my whole heart, mind, soul, body.

But, our friends see us regularly. They see us react first. They put up with our bullshit. They forgive us a million times a day for our idiosyncracies and predictable patterns. They see us in a way no one else can see us.

And this is what we are asking them to share with us. What they see in us that would benefit the world if we would choose to change.

What do they see? They see……

When we talk over others

When we put ourselves down in every other sentence

When we put down others for the very things others see in us

When we are great but we see our failings

When we are unforgiving

When we deny our anger

When we deny our hate

When we deny our desires

When we deny our eating

When we think we are great, but for false reasons

When we put aside our dreams

When we put ourselves before others

When we won’t listen

Our friends forgive us a million times a day. And it is for this we give thanks. So much thanks. To them. Thank you, friends.

These are our trap doors, the coverings that keep at bay….or so we think….prying eyes that might see the real in us, the blight, the fullness, the skill, the lost.It is these things, that expose our blocks forward. These things are keys to unlocking closets that are actually clean inside but we’ve been afraid to look in. These are the answers to life’s persistent questions, for they lead us to our core.

This work we have to do isn’t easy. No way. And it is never done. And life shouldn’t be about work anyway. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of work, to keep those trap doors closed, to turn our heads from what is being revealed, to keep playing the tricks of obfuscation that we play on ourselves.

But oh, OH, the freedom that comes when we self discover! The Beauty that blooms around us when we see the truth. Oh! The ability that grows in us in new places when we open our eyes and see. This is wondrous work.

I’m still thinking about who will be that friend that I ask. I’m a little scared at the thought of it. I’m scared of what I might be told. Of what might be revealed. Of what I already know.

And this. THIS is one aspect, one amazing aspect, of living.


Stand tall in the beauty of your self discovery, your rediscovery, your uncovering, your open eyes.






All photos from images. None are mine. Other people have created these lovely pieces of art. Thank you, artists!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *